My Bloggy Wog

In the vain hope of improving my stalling digestion, I’ve been eating a lot of Fiber and drinking a glass of prune juice most mornings. My efforts were rewarded last night, in the form of a VERY large dump.

It was a dump to be proud off.

It was a dump that made the scale move down 2 pounds.

So colossal was this dump, it blocked the toilet.  

And yes, I trundled off to bed and left it for the boyfriend to deal with when he woke up in the morning.

 - - - 

This morning, I walked downstairs and ambled my way to the toilet. To my surprise, the toilet was still blocked. I swiftly unblocked it with the toilet brush and went about my daily chores. 

This evening, when the boyfriend returned from work, I cooked us a tasty Stir Fry.

                      Tasty Stir Fry…. Sweet and Sour Turkey with Pineapple

My boyfriend is the “nag” in our relationship. He bases my productivity on two things: whether or not I buy chicken at our weekly grocery shop, and whether or not the pots have been washed. It is entirely irelevant to him that I may have hoovered the entire house, cleaned the oven, or worked for 14 hours each day; if these two things haven’t been done, he assumes I have done nothing at all.

It drives me to insanity!

I don’t mention that he washes his body in my expensive shampoo, never picks up after himself or washes his clothes EVERY day in the washing machine because he has a particular attachment to one pair of pants, one pair of jeans and one T shirt. For the last year - since he moved in with me - my house has resembled a laundret. He wears two pairs of socks at all times and doesn’t remove the inner sock from each pair when tossing them in the laundry basket; leaving me to pull each pair apart. He is a moron.

He is idiotic when it comes to housework. He once ruined £150.00 worth of my new bras by machine-washing them and two weeks ago he added a pair of bright green newly-unwashed bikini bottoms to the white-wash, dying everything green. Three weeks ago he walked through the house with dog poo on his shoes - a common occurrence - and tried to clean it off the carpet with bleach. I DESPAIR.

He is clingy. So clingy that if I don’t give him my constant undivided attention each evening, he drinks. He drinks until he can’t drink any more. This is so frequent an event, I have developed the fine art of recognising how his behavior correlates with how many cans of beer he has drunk. After the 3rd can of beer, he starts to become paranoid and stand in the middle of the room swaying. After the 4th can of beer, he starts to nag me about various things I don’t and should do. After the 5th can he becomes mildly verbally aggressive and after the 6th, I tend to ignore him and he toodles off to bed. 

This evening, he came downstairs after what I assumed to be his 4th can of beer and started to nag at me because I didn’t unblock the toilet last night.

He told me that this morning, when he saw the blocked toilet, he tried to unblock it. He decided that it was too unhygienic to use the toilet brush for the unblocking as “toilet brushes are very unhygienic and only end up having congealed toilet paper and shit stuck on them afterwards.” 

Instead, he rather cleverly grabbed the Wooden Spoon and tried to unblock the toilet with that. 

When this method didn’t work, he rinsed the Wooden Spoon in water, left it on the draining board, and went to work.

This evening, when the boyfriend returned from work, I cooked us a tasty Stir Fry.

                Tasty Stir Fry…. Sweet and Sour Turkey with Pineapple and Shit

                           And how do you think I repaid the favour?