My Bloggy Wog

                   “FAILURE IS NOT FALLING DOWN; IT IS REMAINING                                                        WHERE YOU HAVE FALLEN”

Final Thoughts 

I sulked, cried, ranted, screamed, shouted, self indulged, blamed and self pitied. 

So… do you want to know what happened? 

YES?

For those of you who read this purely to enjoy a good old bitch at my expense - or in protest of my inappropriately personally honest ramblings on people we all know and rather disingenuously ”love” - are you starting to cream yourself as you read on?

Is this excitement too much to contain?? Is there a teeeeny bit of urine leaking out?

WTF! ZOMG! ROFLAMON - or whatever the FUCK that is…

OMG!

Can you contain the welling in your chest at the thought of the potential information this Blog may contain??? Can you? Can You??

Take a deep breath and calm the fuck down you kinky dirty little bitch… 

PITY. YOU.

I am not ashamed or embarrassed for standing up for what I believe in and for questioning those of you who feel too “big” to be questioned. I am not so pathetic I will lick you arse and I will not grovel; I have self worth - unlike you. I did apologise with sincerity to those involved which witnessed my rather inappropriate shoutings via “Yahoo”. However, those shoutings were born out of the ridiculous state this Challenge left me in.

And really, what IS “Yahoo” to the person who has a life? To me, it’s not real. To some, it’s a living, breathing portal. And the rest of you? It’s none of your fucking business. Really! It isn’t. 

As I keep affirming, this is MY DIARY! You are reading it! Do you sincerely believe you do not have these thoughts from day to day life? Irrational thoughts of paranoia, jealousy, sadness, anger? I am BRAVE for being this honest. ACCEPT. IT. I dare YOU to say what is truly on YOUR mind and not be afraid of what others may say in return.

YES something corrupt DID happen; whether it be the Judging process, the Challenge itself, the denial that 10 hours plus of editing really was required to produce each video - an oxymoron in the face of health, the Judges and Host, the lack of transparency in the Judging process, the Judging methods which were grossly unfair (See Previous Blog), the Judges relationships as ‘friends’ and sometimes a little more, the tit-bits of information overheard, information privately divulged by Judge(s) and retracted pretty pronto, the Twitter updates and Stickam use - buggering up all fairness of the Challenge and riling Competitors - the Host believing he “owns” the Weight Loss Community and having very odd feelings of self righteous “control” over it, the lie about having “spent hours consoling with me and “smoothing things over”” when you haven’t so much as responded to my attempt to reconcile - you controlling, lying, self denying bastard - the betrayal, being driven to temporary insanity and the profound depression. Of dishonesty, of being cheated, of no post challenge support or commendation from SFC itself for the Contestants that weren’t successful.

I resent that in the aftermath, you compared my personal conversation threads in Stickam like cum-hungry whores, made this Blog public and Judged me. What RIGHT have YOU to Judge me? My biggest mistake throughout this “competition” was letting my efforts be Judged by Amateurs. This really was / is a private matter between the SFC and myself but as you so lovingly “air” your dirty laundry - such is the attention whore that you are - here is my equally fitting Ode to you. 

Overweight people are generally miserable. They NEED encouragement. They DON’T need half-assed bitchy commentaries post “eviction”. I am an incredibly confident, positive person and look at what it did to me. 

And my biggest regret? It is the regret I have for YOU. I regret that you didn’t take a share in this mess and admit to your mistakes and wrongdoings. I regret that you think you’re above “all-that” and I feel for you. Really. I do. You want to feel big and important and special and appreciated. People appreciate a humble person who admits to their mistakes. A humble person grows into a bigger person. 

I thank Krumbine for his Blog. Oddly, Krumbine’s Article “A Word (or two) for TheStarvingSoprano” has been one of the few comforts Post SFC - considering he is not even a part of THIS so-called “Community” - asking me the important question of “What Next”? I also thank the genuine friends I have made on YouTube for being a comforting ear. You know who you are. 

In conclusion, as Yoda would say: A GREAT BIG FUCK UP IT WAS. 

And for those of you involved in this fantastic fuck up I salute you;

                                       with my middle finger.

                                          Oh…. but hang on…. 

                        Here’s a little open-mouthed action for you….

                                     (seeing as I’m so good at it)

                   And I’m genuinely sorry….I forgot you enjoyed two.

                                                SPREAD. 

Right now it is hard to think of the positive things I may have gained from this competition.

After talking to some of the other Contestants, I hear how they have struggled immensely since this Challenge and I feel comforted; it is not only me. Someone said on my performance throughout this challenge; “it wasn’t good enough”.

It was the best I have ever done and it was good enough.

                                                    I. WON.  

                 I am self righteous, Queen of the fucking Manor.

                  Am I A Survivor of the Survivor Fitness Challenge? 

                                    By the skin of my teeth.