My Bloggy Wog

It’s 13.09 and I am sat in my chair nervously awaiting the Survivor Fitness Challenge Results. 

They are unlikely to be announced today - they will probably be announced tomorrow when I am away working and unable to find out how I did. Sods Law.

I am starting to self justify - to say “it’s OK, you don’t need to win to prove that you’re capable” and it’s true, I don’t. But, I am so in need of approval and recognition, I think it will crush me when I find out I haven’t won. I say “when” yet, I still hold a little maybe inside… a vestige of possibility. Without sounding self pitiful, which I am WHOLY against, despite the numerous times I haven’t won things, I still have that glimmer of hope. 

Several people marked my video with 1 star. I poured everything I had into that video. They say it’s not about editing but I wanted to do justice to all the hard work I put into this challenge and spent at least 11 hours editing this video. 

I feel I deserve to win because I have achieved the 3 goals I discussed on my initial audition tape. Why make these goals if we weren’t planning on achieving them during the challenge? Despite disagreeing with the concept of sucking up to the Judges, I did - and I feel I made very thoughtful Tributes to each Judge. I despise that I stooped so low to suck up but FUCK IT. I have been consistent the whole challenge and gone from doing bugger all to becoming the exercise Queen that I am now. I have proved this by almost always jogging and biking in my videos and shown all aspects of the emotional spectrum; hopefully giving the viewer a realistic and thoughtful insight. 

I don’t want to sit in my chair all day, feeling anxious and queasy to the stomach whilst I await these results. 

—— Interim whilst teaching —-

After teaching, I feel a lot better. I’m going to go for a Run / Bike Ride and do some Admin / Jobs that need taking care off. Later, I shall also take my dogs out for a walk.

The power of distraction…