My Bloggy Wog

You will know this is for you as read it.

I’m really sorry to have upset you or disappointed you. 

I said at the start of the Article that this competition has made me feel like a monster and these are some of the thoughts I’ve been experiencing. I re-read the Article this morning and thought that I would rather have waiting until now to write this. I’m calmer and I do not feel quite the same way as I did last night.

I hate being in competition and I don’t know why I entered this Challenge. At times I think it was because I am competitive and then at other times I am concerned with the actual sincerity of it, as we are literally proving ourselves through video and how it is edited. 

At times, I feel angry that I am letting myself be Judged by people who are the same as me and I feel cross with myself for needing this kind of validation. I feel angry at all the hours I’ve spent “planning” my video and my “presentation” and “creativity” when nothing really beats just “DOING”. As you guys aren’t physically with us, it does frustrate me that we gets points for [hypothetical] exercising upside down (see. “Creativity or Presentation” rather than just “DOING”). 

Either way, I feel angry, resentful, sad, happy, relieved and irritable. This was written when I felt angry, saying EXACTLY what was in my head at the time in all it’s irrationality and cynicism. 

When I’m involved in something that puts us through such a lot, I feel as though I am owed something. But, I have always felt like this. I felt as though I was owed food and became fat. I felt as though I was owed relaxing time and spent so much time relaxing, my arse welding with the sit and I grew a lumpy third arse cheek. This competition at times made me feel like I was owed something. Then  I realise that I am doing this for myself and it doesn’t really matter what the outcome is.

I need an outlet and I initially thought V-Logs would be it. But, it just isn’t possible. I know a lot of people see me as honest but I am only expressing perhaps 40% of my true feelings. This is going to be my outlet and I might say things that upset people or people disagree with. The whole concept with this is that I am simply writing how I see things. 

This is why I set up another Blog for Food / Exercise Journalling so I could literally write this Blog as a diary with as few inhibitions as I would have writing with pen and paper. 

It was a risk publishing that article and I hope you can take it on the chin. 

<3