February 2011
1 post
5 tags
Dear readers and tumblr
I am most distressed.
‘My Bloggy Wog’ is my primary blog and I don’t want it to be.
This blog is fairly old and not at all well written - in my opinion. It is also incredibly filthy; which is fine, but I have always kept this blog a secret from anyone I know in my non-internet life, with only tumblr users following me.
In January I decided to create to new blog called...
January 2011
3 posts
Public Emilie: Internet Dating: Part 2 →
publicemilie:
Today I cancelled my membership to Guardian Soulmates, the internet dating site I’ve been trying to use.
The classy friend was so excited after joining, which is why I followed suit. I wasn’t really looking for a relationship but needed an ego boost as I felt unattractive and undesired after…
Public Emilie: Fart Secrecy for Ladies →
publicemilie:
“The first thing I did when you left was a massive fart! Don’t tell anyone. It’s the curry. I’m not a constantly farting wench!”
This was possibly not the best thing to text to a bloke I’ve only known a week, or anyone for that matter. He didn’t reply…
Some men just don’t like the idea or…
New Blog...
Hi there people who follow me :)
I don’t mean to barrage you but I’m just doing a bit of a plug for my new tumblr blog. I will continue to write in this from time to time but I don’t openly advertise this blog for various reasons so I have a public blog now as well.
If you’d like to see some creative writing / memories / silly stuff then my new blog is linked at the top...
August 2009
1 post
8 tags
July 2009
3 posts
30 tags
Messiah
I don’t possess the gift of self love.
And I mean ‘love of self’ par se, not the desire to masturbate. For this, I clearly possess the gift.
I care about my running and what I put into my body which does suggest I have a little self respect…. Self love?
*******
I wake in the morning with the deep hunger. A sense of longing for lost times. Constant, it sits heavily on my...
6 tags
...
I have a lot of paperwork to do today.
Paperwork, that on completion will yield a big fat cheque of anywhere between 5K and 20K dependent on how well I complete said paperwork.
I woke up at 10am and if I had started then, I would be finished by now; 6pm.
I’m twitchy and I’ve spoken to at least 10 different people on various online messengers, including the infamous Lupine, an...
30 tags
My laptop password is 'I Love Ian'.
The password on my office laptop is “I Love Ian”.
And I can’t be bothered to walk to my office on the other side of this room to change it.
What an idiot.
Why the hell did I let him be my password?
The only forseeable way I can avoid the changing of it, is to never restart or shut down my computer; only hibernating it, so essentially, I don’t ever...
June 2009
6 posts
18 tags
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Interim
For two weeks I’ve been living in a strange interim.
This interim lies somewhere between real life and make-believe.
I feel emotionally blocked yet free. It reminds me of the year I was taking Prozac. I lost my Grandparents and felt nothing.
My chest is tight and a cough could break composure.
Life is now my oyster but I’m unwilling to bite, less I choke.
And I have a sensitive gullet.
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“I think I’m leaving ‘X’ and it feels fucking brilliant”
– Em *relieved*, more to come later
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World Tree : The List
Today, in the midst of my current relationship fuckery and the ‘big decision’ - To stay or to leave? - I decided to find a list I wrote in 2006. This list detailed what I wanted in a partner. Every girl writes this list at one point in their lives - I assume.
I hoped that on finding my list I would gain clarity from this emotional blockage I have and my disconnection with...
May 2009
39 posts
30 tags
Mr W : A Short Story
Action: Login AIM.
Undelivered Message from Sender Mr W:
“I want to bend you over, fuck you hard and shove my thumb up your arse”.
The latest in a line of sexual gratification methods.
So, I have no sex drive… well… I don’t want to fuck, that’s for sure but, I found a neat little cyber hobby.
I started years ago with ad breaks on the...
To listen to whilst reading “I Can Destroy...
"I Can Destroy You With Few Words..."
This was taken earlier, from outside the venue of my Gig. When this was taken I felt happy, peaceful, relaxed.
Now I am verging on tears.
I am rather pathetically holding a Pink Bagpuss Cuddly Toy very closely to my chest and just listened to ‘Evil Angel’ by ‘Breaking Benjamin’. I don’t usually listen to EMO Shit but this song reached out to me. If you like, listen to...
I'm From New Zealand
My Aunty still lives there: Laura.
Laura the Lesbian.
I was born there and my parents migrated to England when I was 4 years old.
This is COMPLETE bull shit.
It’s a lie I told during Secondary School and College to make myself seem more interesting.
The truth? Aunty Laura IS a Lesbian and migrated to New Zealand with her husband in her 20’s. She had 5 children and...
28 tags
Fucking Bitch
I took a walk today for the first time in a long time and I felt like a good person.
For the majority of my life, I have felt like a bad person.
I’ve had a HUGE sense of guilt.
As a child, I had a bitch of a Head Mistress who used to threaten to cut my hair off if I didn’t stop playing with it. She used to tell us that our conscience was a prickly ball inside our stomach and if we...
20 tags
Why Can't I Fuck?
I am so pissed at my boyfriend for constantly haranguing me about sex. I never want to fuck and I haven’t a FUCKING clue why.
I’m comfortable saying the word fuck and I would rather do anything but..
I feel imprisoned in my own house.
Right now as I type, he won’t talk to me.
He is pacing up and down, pretending to look for something he hasn’t lost.
He wants attention.
Each time he walks...
Do Not Read
The below entry if you are offended by pornographic material
21 tags
Fuck Me
I am on the couch, staring at the ceiling with my legs drawn up to my chest, and I am trying to ignore my wet pussy.
As I pull my dress over my left knee and pull my panties to the side to expose myself, I lick my finger, reach down and touch.
My lips are full and my finger slides between them. Moving down, I apply pressure and slather myself over my finger. So smooth … my clitorous is...
15 tags
My Boyfriend Is A Disgusting Pig
In the vain hope of improving my stalling digestion, I’ve been eating a lot of Fiber and drinking a glass of prune juice most mornings. My efforts were rewarded last night, in the form of a VERY large dump.
It was a dump to be proud off.
It was a dump that made the scale move down 2 pounds.
So colossal was this dump, it blocked the toilet.
And yes, I...
16 tags
Survivor?
“FAILURE IS NOT FALLING DOWN; IT IS REMAINING WHERE YOU HAVE FALLEN”
Final Thoughts
I sulked, cried, ranted, screamed, shouted, self indulged, blamed and self pitied.
So… do you want to know what happened?
YES?
For those of you who read this purely to enjoy a good old...
15 tags
"UNFAIR: Unequal, Onesided, Unjust"
Isn’t it common practice when marking a competition to take the Candidate with the highest score from each Judge as “winner” for that Judge? And then see which Candidate won the most overall Judges votes? This is a standard of Marking / Scoring a Contest that is wildly practised and FAIR.
“FAIR: FREE FROM FAVORITISM OR SELF-INTEREST OR BIAS OR DECEPTION; CONFORMING WITH ESTABLISHED STANDARDS OR...
11 tags
Hello Nosy Parkers
I have decided to publicise my blog. Well, when I say publicise I mean put a link on my YouTube Channel.
Initially I thought: There are so many entries concerning others, it would only cause a “SHIT-STORM”.
Now I think; life is too short, FUCK IT, let the shit hit the proverbial fan, BRING. IT. ON.
People want the inside scoop.
People are inherently nosy.
I write for my eyes...
“FAIR: Free from favoritism or self-interest or bias or deception; conforming...”
11 tags
Drama Queens
I feel numb, angry and confused.
The scores for SFC were posted on the website, upon my request.
Is Judge X a complete liar? Did he tell me things to make me look like a complete arsehole to encourage “drama”? He didn’t tell me in an obvious way but in a manipulative, suggestive way.
Last night:
Me: I think this happened…. can you tell me if I’m wrong and not...
SFC
Crock. Of. Shit.
Will expand soon.
Judging wasn’t based on scores and should have been.
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11 tags
I was under the sheets.
There are moments in your life, and words that never leave. Singular meaningless moments that otherwise would be forgotten and insist on being remembered.
I lay here in my bath, cradling myself in a foetal position whilst my left breast bobs at the surface. I am warm and moist…
I am awkward and 11 years old, standing in the hallway of my new Secondary School. It is my first day and I do...
5 tags
I am typing this as I cry.
How’s that for raw fucking emotion?
You FUCKING ASSHOLES. POWER CRAZY SONS OF A BITCHES. Right now I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL.
You sit on your arse, play power trip with others peoples lives, have them virtually shove their tongues up your dirty arseholes….
hbgo qurhbfuoaebwfodubhguoebfoabrwefourwbsc
8 tags
Anxious Competition
It’s 13.09 and I am sat in my chair nervously awaiting the Survivor Fitness Challenge Results.
They are unlikely to be announced today - they will probably be announced tomorrow when I am away working and unable to find out how I did. Sods Law.
I am starting to self justify - to say “it’s OK, you don’t need to win to prove that you’re capable” and it’s...
9 tags
Exhausted Smack Talk
I am exhausted.
It’s 3.18am and I have finished doing a few of the things I hoped to complete tonight.
Some Random Thoughts From Today
I wanted to SMACK TALK but someone got pissy with me - quite violently so.
I fucking HATE my boyfriend.
I bloody LOVE my boyfriend and should be nicer to him.
I should treat my boyfriend like a child - I will be less likely to get cross with him when...
9 tags
Addendum to Consistency (SFC)
You will know this is for you as read it.
I’m really sorry to have upset you or disappointed you.
I said at the start of the Article that this competition has made me feel like a monster and these are some of the thoughts I’ve been experiencing. I re-read the Article this morning and thought that I would rather have waiting until now to write this. I’m calmer and I do not feel...
C'est La Vie
I have lost one of my only TWO followers in this Vlog. I fear from my harsh words.
Oh well… C’est la vie.
I do feel as though I was rather harsh yesterday regarding the SFC Debacle. Although I still thoroughly support what I said, I was clearly very angry. Today I feel more mellow.
“I would rather watch an Edbassmaster Farting Video than a certain LOUD mouthed...”
2 tags
Swine Flu Pandemic Overblown?
(I’m writing this to test my Journalistic skills for Ian so it may not be coherent - I am going to be given a “title” and have 5 minutes to write something based on the “title”)
I’m not going to comprehend the Swine Flu Epidemic.
I’m one of those miserable self-possessed and slightly arrogant arseholes who won’t comprehend ANYTHING they...